Engineering A Career You’ll Love!

It’s in the moments of decision that your destiny is shaped

– Tony Robbins

I am deciding to continue on. Though a fair bit weary and likely fumbling the ball the entire way . I am deciding to make certain I help, coach, encourage and promote people like me who likely wouldn’t have an advocate other wise. I am deciding to work on my authentic self to make sure I am presenting the most important pieces of myself to the entire world. I am committed to  push past the fear, up to the top of my own personal Hacksaw Ridge and prepare to stick to my moral convictions and make my way out the other end not new but, different. My destiny is shaped in the moments of decision and I am deciding to make sure that I choose the uncomfortable but character defining route.

 

It’s Hard to Say No… When Intentions Meet Capacity or a Lack Thereof….

I often find it extremely difficult to say no. So I’ll do an exercise to rehearse the simple N-O. No, no, no, no, NO, NO, NOOOOOOOOOOO.

Okay. Doesn’t seem so difficult but in an effort to help/satisfy some personal ego trip about being a superhero or to genuinely provide some assistance where I think I might be helpful I say, “yes” or maybe or “yes and let’s connect”.

Often times I am able to deliver before deadline and exceed expectations.  But then there are times when the stars don’t align lol, and a ball gets dropped and NO I am not a doctor, a lawyer, hell not even a service woman, security guard. but for the sake of being frank isht get’s real very quickly.

I am NOT tasked with saving lives, bringing lives into the world, no those responsiblities are not mine to bear but, when a deadline is missed or a promise “broken” where does that leave me? I’ve found that even with explanation or apologies, I am the not so proud recipient of a barage of passive aggressive retorts via e-mails or my favorite calls of the “are you dead?” variety.  Depending on the age of the personwho is disappointed, even directly insulted down right rude, direct attacks or simply a snub when next we are together.

Many sleepless nights, in my tiny Brooklyn apartment working silently as my pet Shih Tzu, Bella sleepily gazes at me periodically, and likely wonders  why the heck I keep pacing back and forth at 3, 4, 5am. I work, I write I follow-up, I coach, I encourage, I ask, I beg I comment on things. I prepare for an enslaught of e-mails at work and then a barage of calls after work mostly in the name of service or so I thought.

I write this post to talk about the grey and often murky waters of being capable and having a willing heart, or maybe overcommiting because I don’t yet understand how to avoid that pitfall or perhaps just to cleanse my pallet after an unpleasant meeting last evening. Unpleasant to say the very least  but clearly a tipping point because I needed to get this off my chest!

All of that might and intent and good positive vibrations doesn’t always meet the mark.

I intend whole heartedly to get the balance right. I intend to give as often as I am humanly capable of doing and even when met with utter criticism or unconstructive feedback I will continue to forge ahead.

I will say that I am not of the forgiving variety and perhaps that makes all the difference in my ability to process “why” people do things. I sincerely believe that there are beautiful, amazing people with warm orange souls(if I had to assign a soul a colour) , and sometimes they need a “pass”, or a second chance or just a restart button and then magic happens. I see life through a pretty fluid lens and that perhaps is one of my fatal flaws.

It is NOT easy. – I don’t take the easy route..ever. It is isolating and mostly annoying because it feels  like another emotional hurdle to compartmentalize, process and dissipate before I can focus my energies back to the ball juggling at hand.

I relent and release this.

I bow down and respect that I am still a work in progress.

In Service,

FrieddumplingBK

” A Subtelty ” Kara Walkers Exhibit

Consumption. I think we are obsessed with capturing moments and our living in the moment is now through the lense of our cameras/phones/tablets. In this moment we are self appointed photogs and chroniclers of “the moment” and we snap and click and have evidence, proof of our moment. We consume media in new ways all the time and I believe we now are most comfortable consuming to and having proof positive we were apart of a particular experience.

On to my experience…. 

 

The exhibit was immense and I oddly enough was overcome by the smell and warmth of the day that drew insects to the space. The beautiful little black boys who littered the entrance of the space touched me. These babies toiled is the first thought that raced to my mind.

In that moment I stopped I knew it was a sacred space.

 While I visited the exhibit a young woman took a picture in front of the rear view of the “mammy sphinx” with her body contorted into a yoga stance and arms reaching to the sun. She was immediately stopped by a volunteer and asked ” please don’t take pictures that might be suggestive” in that moment I felt, justified for judging the young woman but 

Frieddumpling in the Galley : A Mother’s Day Tale

20130513-073239.jpg

Due to my not so planned career transition and equally unplanned lack of finances ( brokeyyyy) I had to get pretty creative on one of my favorite holidays. Mother’s Day is a great day for obvious reasons, an opportunity to unabashedly gush about fabulous maternal figures in your life and shower them with equally terrific gifts, that run the gamut of Popsicle stick jewlery boxes and macaroni laden picture frames to toaster ovens, televisions and several bottles of the fancies parfums. This go around I took the off ramp and headed for the kitchen. lol Sorry mommy and aunties better luck next year.

So off I went to forage for ingredients and came up with a menu for both breakfast where I prepared Mario Batali’s Sardine Fritters ( total left field addition because all the women in my family love sardines and mackerel and everyone else……… not so much. lol this recipe had enough sardiney tasty to satisfy the mom’s and enough seasoning to make it palatable to the anti-canned fish crowd.

20130529-200411.jpg